Mother’s day weekend!!!!
What I am about to tell you comes from a deep feeling of appreciation and love for the only woman who will do anything for ME. It is not a sad story, it is a story of love. It is a little bit of a long story, but let me entertain you with my thoughts as we celebrate our moms…
A mother will always do what is best for her baby, even if it means sacrificing herself or her own dreams.
OPEN LETTER TO MY MOM
I am not gonna lie, we had a rough, patchy start as we had to learn to live together after 10 years of being apart. I’d be honest, there were times I saw you as a stranger. I was told you were my mom, but sometimes my confused little heart didn’t feel it. I couldn’t connect with you, almost felt that the both of us couldn’t get used to our differences. You were all accustomed to the fast-paced life while I was just being me, a teenager not sure what to make of all the changes on top of figuring out my own life. All this away from what I called home.
For a long time, I’d feel like a victim (in many areas) and thought:
* WHAT IF my parents didn’t divorce?
* WHAT IF my mom didn’t have to leave Peru?
* WHAT IF I came along with her as she started a new life in an unknown country away from everything she knew and loved?
Yes, my life would have been different, but instead of focusing in the WHAT Ifs, I see all the gifts and blessings I got out of those situations:
* What a blessing I got to enjoy each parent separately instead of witnessing fights and arguments in a broken marriage. Thank you MOM because I wasn’t in the middle of it. You were a mom first and wanted the best for me instead of staying around for the sake of keeping the family together. You also knew what was best for you and stood up for that.
* I am thankful and admire your sacrifice to leave me behind to make a better living for the 2 of us and taking care of my grandparents too. I got to go to a good school, always had food on our table, grew up with the most loving grandparents in the world, always had toys and clothes (most of them what you sent from the US) and all THANKS to you, and only YOU. I still remember that afternoon when you sat me on the bed and told me you had to go away for a long time. I don’t think I had a reaction, I was already numb. That must have been a crushing moment for you. Fast forward to the day at the airport, I didn’t cry. In fact, all my other cousins were crying for you but not me. Not sure what went through my mind at that time. But you did it for me.
* I am thankful that you didn’t bring me along with you. Already as it was, you struggled a lot with getting used to the new home, new people, many jobs, discrimination, bullying because you didn’t speak the language, for being an immigrant. You barely had time to yourself, including finding a new love. Your biggest sacrifice was eventually enjoying a new and better life away from your little girl and family that you loved the most.
I might have questioned all these at some point, but I also know that you did all your best guided by your loving heart. We as children jump right away at judging what is not working for us. But REMEMBER: our parents do their best with what they knew and had at that time.
I also know I didn’t recognize all you had done for me, as I was just thinking about me. I am sorry if I made you cry, if I disappointed you, if I wasn’t that excited to come live with you, if it took this long to get where we are now. I had felt bad for the wasted time being in my own head and trying to figure shit out, but I also know it was just a process that my soul needed to go through to get where I am now, to get where WE ARE NOW, TOGETHER AS MOTHER AND DAUGHTER.
I am grateful for how my life unfolded. I am grateful I got to have mixed feelings, and found my way to loving and understanding your love. I am grateful for my self awareness and growth.
Many years have passed, lots of tears and laughs. We have the best relationship I could wish for, and I choose to look for these wonderful times over the WHAT IFs. Now I know why I chose you to be my mom. (They say our souls choose our parents before we are born). You are the best example I have of unconditional love. The kind of love I will soon experience myself. I am now blessed because I can spoil you, love you as much as I can, as much as you deserve. I am your biggest gift and I know that is all you want, all you need to be complete as a MOM.
Many people have said that I look like my dad, and for a while a was proud of it. But no, I can totally see the resemblance when she was younger, the same smile, even same eyes. I think in this picture I look more like her than I ever thought and I am proud of it. But what I feel the most proud of is that my heart came from a piece of hers <3 Happy Mother’s day my beautiful mom, Carmela.
With all my love <3,